Heartbreak. We all experience it in some shape or form. We all hate it, and in my opinion, it is the worst feeling in the world. When you have your heart broken you feel unable to do anything and completely numb to everything. Noone can see your heartbreak or even comprehend the level of inner pain you are experiencing. It is invisible to everyone else around you and is a wound that only you can patch up and heal. This is something I have experienced recently and the one word for me that sums up this feeling is torture.
To be loved and accepted by another person in this complex, crazy world is such an incredible thing. It gives you purpose, fills you with exciting dreams and most of all makes you feel as if you are not alone in the world because in the back of your mind you know that you have that constant friend and companion there to hold your hand and support you through everything that life throws at you. Finding love for me has always been something I have been afraid of. I have been unlucky in the past with relationships and do find it hard to trust people. I am also not very confident. My exterior shows me to be that girl who always has her makeup and hair done to perfection, who has a smile that never fades and a self-confidence that many would give an arm and a leg for, however, the reality is different. I struggle to accept who I am as a person, suffer largely from anxiety and have never honestly felt I am good enough for anyone to accept as their life partner or companion.
I am no poet or storyteller able to declare my feelings in beautiful sonnets like the great William Shakespeare, but recently I met someone who I instantaneously fell in love with and who I believe really changed my life for the better. He made me feel as if the love we shared for one another was as beautiful as the love described in Shakespeare’s words. This person met me at a time where my life was all over the place. I had been unsure of my career, my goals and ambitions and having lost my mother to terminal cancer in 2015, I was struggling and kept finding myself continuously questioning how life could be so harsh as it had taken the most beautiful and kindest person in existence away from me, my mum.
I kept negatively thinking that if life could be this cruel then what ultimately was the point of it all? This person however, entered my life with so much energy, life and excitement that he really made me want to start living and without me even realising it, when standing in a room of people with his arms wrapped around me on New Year’s Eve, counting down to 2018, I knew that I was in love, I had actually fallen in love with him and was fully excited about what the New Year would bring for the both of us.
The way I feel about this person was and still is so strong but unfortunately, life got in the way and broke us apart. Not being with him tore me to shreds in so many ways. I realised the strength of my feelings and strongly believe that I will always feel angry at myself for having not fought harder for him. He did so much for me and supported me through what was and still, is an incredible very complex stage of my life and I believed pulled me through it. I will always love and thank him for that.
Heartbreak is intense and terrifying, The bubble of dreams you have created with that person pops so suddenly and unexpectantly that you enter a state of shock, and if you are like me and are a soppy romantic, that bubble pops with so much force that everything around you feels like it is irreparable. This, however, is not true.
You may ask why and how because inwardly you feel like nothing can ever get better as the wound you feel is so raw, but the truth is it can. The simple answer to moving on and repairing a broken heart is to choose to carry on or not to. I am a strong believer in fighting for those that matter to you the most and I will always fight, but if the time comes that fighting is no longer an option do not feel like you have given up. Treat this experience and the time shared with this person as a blessing and also as a life lesson. My mum used to tell me that everything in life is a lesson and that we learn from our experiences and mistakes. She was right! The truth is that you need to view your existing heartbreak as a positive rather than a negative. To really love someone is such an amazing thing, it means you have felt what it is to be loved and also know what it means to love another person. Not everyone in life gets that opportunity in life, so remember that you are lucky! As Leo Tolstoy states, “seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved!”
For me, I have no idea how my story will end. Will this person still be in my life, will we fight for one another and treat the love that we share for one another as the most special feeling in the world? Who knows! But that is the exciting thing in life, isn’t it!? None of us know what will happen, who we will meet and where we will be in a year let alone a week’s time. So embrace your heartache, fight for what you believe in and most importantly stay strong! We live in an incredible world with such rich tapestries and exciting opportunities, so stop wasting your time moping! Life is precious and we need to enjoy the time we have not waste it. If you are meant to be with someone then it will work out. Remember that! Take a deep breath! The world has not ended yet!