Since I was a little girl I always romanticised about the idea of being a ‘grown up’ with my own house, belongings, family, dog and most importantly, security. It is something I have sought after my whole life and something I am still longing for even now at the age of twenty five.
Over the past couple of years, I have started to recognise that the world around me has been changing. Close friends and even family members have got married, some even have children! As time keeps ticking by I cannot help but wonder if I just am not destined for that future and that instead there is a different path ahead for me. What an upsetting thought!
Patience. The one thing I have never had is now something I really need to have. When I am told by friends or family to ‘stop worrying’ and that ‘it will happen’ because I am ‘still young,’ I feel the incredibly impatient side of me creep in and slowly take over my brain. Frustration hits and I become extremely negative with life and its on goings.
Speaking to friends who have already established themselves in life is hard as deep down even though you would never admit it, a part of you is jealous, and finding those who really understand is tricky. For me, I am very lucky that one of my best friends is in a similar situation to me. She also feels those same frustrations and niggles that I feel on a daily basis. We are each other’s sounding boards.
Some people however are not as lucky as I am, and that can be difficult if you feel that you have no one to talk to who really truly understands. The one thing I can definitely promise you is that you are not alone. You might be rolling your eyes right now whilst reading this thinking that in fact you are alone and that no one in your life can relate to what you are going through, but you need to look around yourself and recognise that there are many of us just like you, and start to understand that the good things in life just take time. That is what makes them special. So ultimately you need to ask yourself, is something special not worth waiting for? I think it is.
With that being said, I am certainly someone that could learn from the words that I write down. I never believe anyone who tells me that things will work out because my outlook on life is pretty negative, not because I am depressed (I am happy with my life) but mainly due to the life experiences that I have had. I am also my own worst critic. So when I become impatient I also become negative especially about the way I look. I can of course recognise that I am ‘not bad’ and accept that I can look cute, but my head will always believe there is someone better, someone prettier, someone more intelligent, the list is endless. Try being in my head!!!
I believe that for me personally my anxiety gets the better of me. That little negative voice inside my head that tells me I am not good enough or do not deserve a happy life I tend to stupidly listen to when actually I should be ignoring it because that is absolutely not going to be the case. Remembering that is the hard part though…
So what am I trying to tell you? I am telling you that it is ok that things might be falling apart around you, that you feel that you are a step behind everyone else in life and that you see no light at the end of the tunnel. You are a human being who is allowed to feel, and feeling like things are not ok is more than ok. You are allowed to be sad.
What we have to remember is that we all have our own paths, some might get to their destinations and dreams faster and may seem on top of the world, but that does not mean that you won’t achieve these or even have unexpected incredible things happen that did not even cross your mind. Patience. Naturally let things evolve and you will reap the rewards.
I am a big believer in whatever is meant to be is meant to be, and that certain things happen for a reason. I could go on forever about all of the bad things that have occurred in my life and feel like I am the unluckiest human being on the planet but I try to take the bad and learn from it and even though at times it may be difficult to, believe that there is a lot of brightness to come.
Ultimately the puzzle pieces of your life will fit into place at the right time. When is that time you may ask? Who even knows! Remember that you have not even lived some of the happiest days in your life yet, they are coming and be excited about them! I certainly am!